Accepting responsibility to break the cycle

Seven-year-old Liam* came to Take Two with his dad Oliver* after he had been abused by his mum. Liam had also seen his dad using family violence towards his mum when he was little. Child Protection were concerned about the impacts of the past family violence on Liam.

Liam has Autism. He would repeatedly rock from side-to-side, avoid eye contact and make sounds of distress. Oliver said his son would often hurt himself by jamming his fingers in cupboards or drawers, and that this usually happened after Liam had spent time with his mum.

The family’s Take Two clinician, Aiden could see Liam needed to feel safe, calm and supported by his dad and to make sense of what had happened to him. Aiden decided to use Child-Parent Psychotherapy to help Oliver repair the attachment bond with his son.

Liam and Oliver’s sessions

At the beginning of their sessions, the clinician Aiden would encourage Liam to play by sitting on the floor and offering toys as a means of exploring what had happened to him. Liam particularly enjoyed picking out the toy cars. In one of their early sessions, he used a police car to chase a soft bear before crashing into it, making banging noises. Liam kept checking if his dad was watching while he was hitting the other toys.

There were some difficult sessions as Liam re-enacted his earlier experiences of violence. Oliver was clearly trying to remain emotionally present for his son. When Liam’s reactions were explosive, Aiden helped his dad to understand how some of Liam’s behaviours were likely a response to his experiences of family violence.

Dad’s individual therapy

Aiden provided individual therapy to Oliver, while he also took part in a Men’s Behaviour Change Program. It was confronting for Oliver to see his role in his son’s experience of family violence. He slowly started to recognise how his own childhood abuse and neglect had shaped the way he was parenting Liam. He realised some of Liam’s distress and challenges are from his exposure to violence, not just because he has Autism.

Liam slowly started to show signs of trusting his dad again. Aiden and Oliver noticed that during their sessions Liam’s mood had started to improve. He smiled at Oliver, allowed himself to be tickled, and laughed when his dad made funny voices pretending to be the toy robots. Liam started to move closer to his dad when he found it hard to finish a puzzle and would sit on his lap when trying to read a book. He clearly wanted his dad to take care of him.

Aiden saw that their ongoing shared play was helping Liam to trust Oliver more and more. Aiden saw many moments of mutual joy when they were playing together.

After 13 sessions, Aiden was confident Oliver could provide good care for his son. Oliver had taken responsibility for their fractured relationship and was now working hard to repair the relationship and to be his son’s caregiver. He could now respond to Liam’s behaviours with empathy, because he better understood their shared history of family violence.

Once he finished working with them, Aiden reflected how acknowledging Liam and Oliver’s complicated histories of intergenerational family violence and trauma was a first step in breaking the cycle and healing their relationship.

About Berry Street Take Two

Take Two is a trauma-informed mental health service with more than 20 years of experience working with infants, children, young people and families who have experienced complex trauma.

*Not their real names. Images are of models, and some story details have been changed to protect the privacy of the family.