Chocolate milk and video games: a healing recipe

Sheree moved in with her much older boyfriend straight after leaving her residential care home. He was in an outlawed motorcycle gang. Sheree was pregnant with Christian* six months later.

Christian saw lots of drug and alcohol abuse and lots of violence as an infant. His dad left without warning when he was 4 years old. He was put in foster care soon after.

Sheree was a young mum troubled by her own experiences of childhood neglect and violence. She was self-medicating with drugs and missed four planned contact visits in a row. Christian was 7 years old when he told his mum that he hated her over the phone.

Sheree died from a drug overdose a few days later.

While still in primary school, Christian lived in a couple of foster care homes before being moved into a residential care home with three other young people.

The first time Christian met his Berry Street Take Two therapeutic specialist Nic, he couldn’t make eye contact. He was stuck in the habit of getting up at lunchtime and staying up all night playing violent video games and drinking chocolate milk. He hadn’t been to school in more than a year and barely spoke to anyone. The residential care workers were at a loss about what to do.

The lack of relationships in Christian’s life was obvious to Nic, who could tell that he was shutting others out. Nic thought this was likely a reaction to what he felt was abandonment by both his parents, and rejection from subsequent foster carers. Nic knew they needed to work with him in small but frequent ‘doses’ to build his trust and engage him in therapy.

Nic started visiting the home several times a week. Nic would walk in, say hello to the residential care workers and any other young people home and then make two chocolate milks. Taking the milk to the lounge room, Nic would greet Christian, who would reply with just a “hey” and sit next to him on the couch also facing the TV. Nic would watch Christian play a video game on the screen and drink their glass of chocolate milk.

After the game finished, Nic would say “OK, I’ll see you in a couple of days,” and leave. The first visit was for less than 10 minutes, but each time Nic went they’d stay a few minutes longer.

This routine continued a month or so until Nic got COVID and had a week off work.

On Nic’s first visit back, Christian - without turning his head away from the TV - asked “hey, where’d you go?”

It was the first time Nic had heard him say more than one word. They responded that they’d been sick but were back at work and were going to keep coming to see Christian for a while. Nic apologised for Christian not knowing where they were and told him that if they were unable to come in future, they’d call the house and ask them to let Christian know.

Nic apologising and making a commitment to Christian was all it took to start building some trust.

Over the months that followed, they spoke more, and as their bond grew Christian’s healing began. While they still usually sit side-by-side, Christian can now make eye contact with Nic.

The bulk of Nic’s work has been with the residential care workers, using reflective practice to understand Christian’s experiences and the practical ways they can support him every day. Christian has made huge leaps forward since then. Nic has been helping the workers understand that Christian needs more supportive relationships in his life and an improved sleep routine.

Christian and the residential care worker still play video games, but he now also enjoys shooting hoops with another worker every afternoon he’s rostered on. Several times Nic has walked into the home to see the three of them, and another young person who lives at the home, playing the FIFA video game in teams. This is a substantial change from Christian’s previous obsession with Mortal Kombat, Call of Duty and similarly violent games, and is also improving his capacity to do things like be playful and share turns.

Christian has started going to a new school two days a week and seems to have made at least one mate who will also be going to the high school nearby next year. He’s been to a couple of taekwondo classes with one of the other young people who lives at the home and seems to have enjoyed it.

Christian recently told Nic that the workers, his mate at school, the other young person doing taekwondo and Nic are some of the only people he’s ever thought “were alright.” He’s playfully taken to calling Nic the ‘Dark Milk Lord.’

Christian has revealed that not only does he have a cheeky sense of humour, but that he’s really interested in electronics. Nic took their old, broken and now unused Nintendo into the home thinking that Christian might enjoy tinkering with it. He had it working in a couple of days and has been enjoying playing “old school” Sonic the Hedgehog and Tony Hawk skateboarding games.

Now that Christian has stabilised, Nic needs to prepare to stop working with him. Nic’s been doing lots of work with the residential care workers to give them good tools to support Christian.

A good ending is so important for a young person who’s experienced so many poor ones. Nic’s been talking about finishing their work together and readying him to say goodbye, including writing a letter that they’ll read together in their last session.

*Not their real names. Images are of models, and some story details have been changed to protect the privacy of the young person and their family.

About Berry Street Take Two

Take Two is a trauma-informed mental health service with more than 20 years of experience working with infants, children, young people and families who have experienced complex trauma.