A story of healing between mother and son

Jasper* was only five years old when he saw his dad put his hands around his mum’s throat. He had experienced extensive violence in his short life before he was referred to Berry Street’s Take Two program.

For ten months we worked with Jasper and his mum Rachel* to help him begin to feel safer. Through therapeutic play sessions they confronted their painful wounds to heal the trauma and repair their relationship.

Jasper was timid and understandably frightened of men. He was wetting the bed and often had a sore tummy. He seemed worried about his mum’s safety, insisting to stay close to protect her, even during the night. Jasper struggled to attend kindergarten and often waited by the window for his mum to return.

The first steps

Jasper was very serious and withdrawn when he first met his Take Two clinician Jodie. Although his mum Rachel was encouraging Jasper to explore and play, Jodie’s presence made it difficult for him. He rejected Jodie’s attempts to play and avoided eye contact completely.

Jasper would also pull away from his mum when she tried to show him a toy and would throw them at the wall. Jodie saw that Jasper was trying to keep himself safe in an unfamiliar place.

“It is common for a child to need time to get to know a new therapist, or even a childcare worker who wants to try and help,” Jodie said. “What was worrying was that Jasper was also resisting his mum’s attempts to comfort him,” said Jodie.

Jodie brought some new superhero toys to a session, and Jasper picked out some PJ Mask dolls. He then took the largest doll and used it to hit the other dolls. He whimpered like a baby and kept looking to his mum throughout. Eventually Rachel snatched the doll from Jasper and told him to stop being so rough.

Jodie saw that Rachel was flustered and struggling to understand what Jasper was showing through his play. She decided to use an evidence-based approach called Child-Parent Psychotherapy (CPP) to help them both understand each other.

Rachel’s own path

During her parent sessions with Jodie, Rachel spoke about her worry that Jasper was being too aggressive with the therapy toys. She disclosed that she had experienced family violence in her own childhood but was never aggressive like Jasper. Jodie realised that Rachel was struggling to help Jasper because she had never had the space to process her own trauma.

Jodie suggested that Rachel consider her own trauma therapy, explaining how this would also help Jasper. Rachel instantly became defensive and shut down.

Jodie recognised Rachel’s response was likely learned in childhood as an attempt to keep herself safe. Over time, Jodie continued to help Rachel become more aware of how her own experiences were impacting her parenting and relationship with her son, and to understand that Jasper’s healing relied on her being there to support his recovery.

Rachel needed to address her own early trauma to be there for him.

Rachel realised that her approach to Jasper when he expressed anger was to shut him down and withdraw. Jodie reassured her that this was a common and natural response to trauma. Jodie explained the difference between children expressing themes of aggression through play and being aggressive.

While realising her own experiences were valid, Rachel wanted Jasper to know that it was okay for him to express what he had been through. She didn’t want him to carry his pain alone inside anymore.

Jasper starts to heal

As the weeks passed Jasper began to trust that it was safe to relay his painful experiences to his mum through play.

Jasper lined up the same superheroes again and made whimpering sounds of distress. One session he picked up a doll and gave it to his mother and held another in his arms. He shooshed and rocked it side-to-side as though he was comforting a baby. Smiling at his mum, she saw what Jasper was doing and began to do the same.

His reaction was immediately clear. He returned all the dolls to the play box and said, “you can sleep safe now.”

It was as though Jasper now knew his mum could hold his big feelings.

Repairing the bond

Over the months Jasper’s behaviour became more settled and regulated and his outbursts reduced. Rachel said childcare drop offs were smoother, and he had stopped waiting by the window.

Rachel also said that Jasper’s mood and confidence had also improved. “He even chose a new PJ masks doona cover and we're both excited for him to sleep in his own room,” Rachel said.

Jasper’s social skills had improved dramatically, and he was excited to start school next year.

“Children from Jasper’s kindergarten will also go to his school next year. He tells me he's happy his friends will be with him,” Rachel said.

Rachel also began to see a psychologist to help her heal her own experiences of family violence.

While she reflected that therapy sessions with Jasper sometimes felt slow going, she realised small steps were adding up to real progress.

*Not their real names. Some story details changed to protect the privacy of the family.

About Berry Street Take Two

Take Two is a trauma-informed mental health service with more than 20 years of experience working with infants, children, young people and families who have experienced complex trauma.